Nothing but a Screwup
by Reidluver
Summary: Jim's thoughts as he struggles to deal with the blame he places on himself in the aftermath of the death of Mr. Arrow. Things can only get worse when a certain arachnid decides to show up and share his own thoughts on the issue.


**Okay, so this is a slight deviation from my regular stories, but I have been reintroduced into the world of "Treasure Planet" and I've got to say that's one of my top five Disney Movies! It's so awesome. Here is my humble story with thoughts on what happened between the time Jim left the bridge when he thought he was responsible for Mr. Arrow's death and when Silver comforted him.**

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"Hisss lifeline wasss not sssecured." Everyone's eyes turned towards him, expressions ranging from shock to disgust. The eyes that people always saw him through.

"No, I checked them all!" Jim pushed his way through a group of crew members, only to stare at the knobs around the mast and realize there was one rope missing. This couldn't be happening. He _knew _he had checked them all! He had even counted them off while he tugged on them!

"I . . . I did! I checked them all. They were secured. I swear!" Jim pleaded, but Captain Amelia just stared at him with that same disappointed glance his mother would throw his way whenever he let her down.

Jim barely heard what the captain said about Mr. Arrow next, too busy trying to run through the event once again, all the while trying to block out all the horrible and degrading thoughts that threatened to consume him. As soon as she was finished however, he felt everyone's eyes on him again so he took off, running down the stairs to get below and away from the glares of the whole crew. He had seen Delbert's face and it was full of sadness and disappointment, while the rest of the crew's was of anger. Jim didn't have the courage to look at Silver, because he couldn't bear to see any of that in his eye—he just couldn't.

After running through the hallway for a time Jim thrust open a storage door and slammed it behind him. He just needed to be away from everyone for a while. The boy slumped against a stack of boxes and sat down on the ground with his head in his hands.

"Great job, genius! This time someone actually _died_ because of you!" he yelled. Jim then started hitting his wrists against his face. "You're such a screw-up! How could you ever hope to be anything more? The captain, Delbert, and Silver are _never_ going to look at you the same way again! How are you going to make your mom proud now, huh?"

Tears were streaming down his face but Jim found he didn't care. He then started tugging on his hair in exasperation. "You'll never get anything right! You'll just be nothing but a loser for the rest of your life! All the kids at school, teachers, and even those metal-headed policebots were right about you!" Jim drew up his knees, wrapped his arms around them, and buried his face in his arms while sobbing quietly.

A few minutes later a dangerous thought entered his mind, one that was always in the back of his thoughts but he never cared to voice it because it scared him so much. With recent events however, Jim Hawkins decided that it must be true.

"Dad . . . d-dad must have left because of me," he whispered. Jim immediately covered his mouth, horrified by what he said. The day that his dad left he had said that to his mother and she stared at him in shock before slapping him across the face, saying that if she ever heard him say that again she would ground him for the rest of his life.

Yet the more he thought about it, the more it had to be true. There was no other explanation. His father definitely loved his mother, which was why he married her in the first place. The only thing that changed was that he was born. Perhaps he showed early signs of being unable to measure up to a proper son when he was young, and that's what made his father go on longer and longer voyages. Jim knew he must have messed up somehow and not been a good enough son to keep his father at home.

That had to have been why his father said good-bye to his mother instead of him. His father just left without saying anything to Jim and ignored his cries for him to come back. He also never made any further contact in the passing years—at least to Jim. His mother thought he didn't know, but Jim had found the two torn-up letters from his father addressed to his mother in the garbage.

Both were a simple update on how he was doing, and there was absolutely no mention of Jim anywhere. It was as if he didn't exist. Jim had tried to tell himself that his father probably sent him a letter but his mom had destroyed it before he saw it, but he knew now that wasn't the case. His father really couldn't have cared less if he died or not.

Suddenly the door flew open and Jim scrambled to his feet, wiping the tears as he did so. Despite the fact he knew everyone hated him, he didn't want to give them the satisfaction that it hurt him.

"Feeling guilty, cabin boy?" Jim moaned inwardly. Of all the crew members—this was the _last _one he wanted to see.

"Just get out of my face, spider freak!" Jim yelled, already bracing himself for whatever the arachnid did in retaliation. It never came though.

Scroop just stood there in the doorway, chuckling slightly and stared at Jim through his yellow eyes as if he knew something the teen didn't.

"Well, if you're not here to beat me up, just buzz off," Jim growled.

"Jussst wanted to make sssure you didn't do anything too drassstic."

"You think I'm stupid enough to kill myself?" Jim scoffed. "Man, you are as dumb as you look."

To Jim's amazement, Scroop didn't even get mad at the insult. Instead he inched closer to the boy with that smirk still on his face.

"It ssseemed like it would be the bessst thing to do," he said softly. "I couldn't help but overhear and all you've done isss make trouble, ssso I figured killing yourssself off would make everyone happier. Essspecially your dear mother." Scroop's face was now an inch from Jim's.

"With you out of the picture, your father and mother might be able to get back together," he whispered.

Jim winced at the sting of those words and couldn't help but feel as if there was some truth to them. "Just leave me alone!" he cried, grabbing a small dagger that was on a nearby box and held it out in front of himself protectively.

Scroop raised an eyebrow at the dagger and then looked at Jim. "Going to kill me like you did with Missster Arrow?"

It was more than Jim could take. His hands started shaking violently and the dagger clattered to the floor while Jim fell to his knees sobbing. He heard Scroop's laughter as the arachnid left the room and slammed the door. Part of Jim was furious with what Scroop had said and felt he had no business saying what he did, but another, more forceful part of the boy knew that he deserved it.

Because of his blunder, the first officer and dearest friend to the captain was dead. Someone was _dead_ because of him! It was all his fault. He was a murderer!

It was about an hour later until Jim had the courage to leave the room and he went up on deck. He couldn't see anyone up there to his relief, other than Mr. Turnbuckle who was at the helm. Jim placed his hands in his pockets and slowly walked to the shroud on the right side of the ship and climbed up it, staring off into the distance. It had become his favorite place to think.

Jim then reached into his pant pocket and pulled out a piece of rope that he had found while cleaning the galley a few days ago and fiddled with it while he thought. At one point Jim actually glanced down at the Etherium and had an insane urge to just jump off the ship. It would be very easy, and it's not like it wasn't anything he didn't deserve. Maybe—

His thoughts were interrupted by someone walking over to where he was, and judging by the slight limp and mechanical squeaks Jim could tell it was Silver. He mentally braced himself for whatever the cyborg would have to say but didn't have the courage to look at him.

"It weren't your fault, ya know," the cook said slowly. Jim's grip on the rope tightened. As Silver tried to console him and make him feel better it just made him angrier.

Jim turned around and leapt towards the deck. "Look—don't you get it?" he yelled, running up to Silver. "I screwed up! I mean—for two seconds, I thought that maybe I could do something right, but—Aagh! I just—" He sighed. "Just forget it. Forget it." Jim leaned against the mast and tried to fight another wave of tears. He didn't want to blow up at Silver, but all those emotions just came out and now the cyborg had to think he was a nutcase or something.

To his surprise he felt Silver's hand on his shoulder and the cook forcefully turned him around. "Now, you listen to me, _James Hawkins_. You got the makings of greatness in ya!" Jim stared at Silver in shock. No one but his mother had told him that, and she hadn't said it for a couple years. That phrase had changed into _"Do you want to waste your entire future?"_

"But you gotta take the helm and chart your own course," Silver continued. Jim listened with amazement as the cyborg told him to endure through his trials and promised that there would be a chance for him to prove what he wasn't worthless.

" . . . well, I hope I'm there, catching some of the light comin' off ya that day." The cyborg glanced back at Jim with such a warm and comforting smile—something Jim hadn't seen meant specifically for him for years.

Unable to handle the emotions any longer, Jim sniffed and laid his head on Silver's chest, too small to reach his shoulders. The young boy could tell that Silver was shocked and probably uncomfortable with the boy's head on his chest, but Jim couldn't have cared less. The sobs he was holding back came through and he felt Silver's hands rubbing his back comfortably.

"It's all right, Jimbo. It's all right." Suddenly the cook's arms enveloped him in a strong hug. Jim tried to soak in all the comfort and warmth from that hug since he hardly ever was.

Then Silver became embarrassed and tried to brush off that uncharacteristic act of kindness, telling Jim that he needed to get some "shut-eye." Jim did as he was told, but once he reached the steps leading below, he turned around to glance at the cyborg. After a moment's reflection, Jim smiled, hoping the cook would understand what he was telling him.

Silver waved him off, and Jim bounded down the stairs, unable to keep a grin off his face. He couldn't remember feeling this happy before in his entire life.

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**There you go! I hope you enjoyed it. Sorry for it being a little moody at the beginning but I'm quite sure that's how Jim viewed himself, and I leave you all a happy ending! There are more stories to come, so be on the lookout. **


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